I bruise easily.

After so damn long, am back to blogging, alright, so, now, life's getting complicated, sometimes I wish that I wasn't born in this world, so I did not have to go through pain, talking bout pain, what is the definition of pain, it isn't a type of physical pain, but it's more of the emotional side.

So, my uncle passed away a few nights ago, RIP... Miss you dearly. You have been brought home to the lord, you're save now. For the past 7 months, You are still o my mind, but this time round, it seems different, it feels different.... I have no idea why, maybe it is because we have both hurt each other too much the previous time, and honestly, am still picking up the pieces you broke, yes, I still love you, but I fear, I really do, sometimes, I doubt myself, why did i agree to it, why can't I let go, why am I so dumb to agree on it and hurt myself even more? I never doubt you, I doubt myself.... I never did expect you to come back, you seemed to have love your ex girlf more, cuz whenever I read your fb and twitter, it showed me that you treasure everything with her, I am nothing, compared to her.... You chose to leave me cuz of her, I know you loved her, somehow, in a way or another, I can feel that your heart still has her in it....

Well, it'd never be the same again, cuz I believe, happiness is temporary, nothing lasts, cuz for the first time, I actually thought you were the one, I made you my world, and you proved me wrong apparently... yeah, am hurt, i know you were too, i actually asked myself if I am worth all f these, really.... maybe we're not meant to be, but I can honestly say that, I really did love you, but I guess it ain't enough. I'm sure, you'd be better off without me.

Tgt, we're invincible.

Yeah, am back into updating this space, wonder who still do read my blog. :/ Oh well, 2011 has been great for me, school was alright, except for 1 bloody incident that happened. (-.-) but other than that, everything's going smoothly for me.

Yes, starting another year of sec 3 is a new beginning for me, getting to understand everything all over again. Well, all I have got to say that is I am really proud of myself from falling so bad at the end of last year and getting back up again this year and proving to the others that my attitude towards things changed.

Well, I really wanna tell you how I feel but I just don't have th courage to do so. Like what you have said, things are better off this way. You made me realize that somethings are just worth so much of your time and life if you are really willing to put the effort to fight for the person you love. I am willing to wait, wait for you.

Past.

Well I'm back, it's been such a long time since i've updated this space, so, 2010 is coming to an end. Loads of things have happened this year, taught me a valuable lesson, lots of emotions. I was basically living in my own world, realized that I hurt people whom actually loves me the most, blinded by lies and I realized that the happiness i'm talking bout never really lasted for me. Ha, you all know what I think I'm pathetic, I really didn't expect everything was over just like that, why do people have to treat love like a game?When it's over, it just means it is la, cuz no matter how much you want to slavage the relationship, the feelings just ain't there anymore, instead, you are only fooling yourself.

I've been thinking, why do I have to make mself happy, why can't others do so? Finally got the answer, it's becuz, we can't find a particular person who will stay with you forever, true? I was never happy la, for this entire year. So, I went for a backpacking trip to a certain village in China, the people there were all so happy, even with the poor living conditions and all, I was honestly shocked. I went forward and asked one of them, 'why are you all so happy?' They gave ma an answer which made me feel very ashamed of myself, they told me 'it is becuz, we don't complicte things, we give thanks insted of complaning bout stuff, we love and care, we don't hate.'

Yeah, I personally, do have a problem trusting others, I personally think that you can't describe a person using the word 'trust', we often get backstabbed becuz we trust others too easily and we must have someone there for us, right? It's all excuses, you never needed anyone, you don't have to love others in order to prove to them that you can't love yourself. Changes come, got to accept it la, when we can't handle it, we often fall and hyporcrites comes along, and bullshit happens. People are all typical, they hurt others who really loves them, we often take people for granted and in the end, when we want them back, they are gone.

I was silly to actually thing that loving someone was actually easy, trust me, it isn't. I will honestly trade anything in the world for happiness. Yeah, I admit, it does break my heart when everyone decides to leave when I needed someone the most. I don't hate people whom actually did hurt me, but, instead, I thank them, all of your cruel intentions made me find my independence. If someone realy does want to leave you and get you out of their lives, they will give you a living hell, they will do all sorts of things to get you out of their lives, never ever beg them to come back if they decide to leave, it ain't fucking worth it. If someone really does love you, they will NEVER hurt nor lie to you, NEVER hold onto something which you once feel like giving up. Deep inside me, till now, I still don't know what I want in my life, honestly.

2010, thank you for teaching me a lesson, 2011, I really hope you will be a much better year.