Past.

Well I'm back, it's been such a long time since i've updated this space, so, 2010 is coming to an end. Loads of things have happened this year, taught me a valuable lesson, lots of emotions. I was basically living in my own world, realized that I hurt people whom actually loves me the most, blinded by lies and I realized that the happiness i'm talking bout never really lasted for me. Ha, you all know what I think I'm pathetic, I really didn't expect everything was over just like that, why do people have to treat love like a game?When it's over, it just means it is la, cuz no matter how much you want to slavage the relationship, the feelings just ain't there anymore, instead, you are only fooling yourself.

I've been thinking, why do I have to make mself happy, why can't others do so? Finally got the answer, it's becuz, we can't find a particular person who will stay with you forever, true? I was never happy la, for this entire year. So, I went for a backpacking trip to a certain village in China, the people there were all so happy, even with the poor living conditions and all, I was honestly shocked. I went forward and asked one of them, 'why are you all so happy?' They gave ma an answer which made me feel very ashamed of myself, they told me 'it is becuz, we don't complicte things, we give thanks insted of complaning bout stuff, we love and care, we don't hate.'

Yeah, I personally, do have a problem trusting others, I personally think that you can't describe a person using the word 'trust', we often get backstabbed becuz we trust others too easily and we must have someone there for us, right? It's all excuses, you never needed anyone, you don't have to love others in order to prove to them that you can't love yourself. Changes come, got to accept it la, when we can't handle it, we often fall and hyporcrites comes along, and bullshit happens. People are all typical, they hurt others who really loves them, we often take people for granted and in the end, when we want them back, they are gone.

I was silly to actually thing that loving someone was actually easy, trust me, it isn't. I will honestly trade anything in the world for happiness. Yeah, I admit, it does break my heart when everyone decides to leave when I needed someone the most. I don't hate people whom actually did hurt me, but, instead, I thank them, all of your cruel intentions made me find my independence. If someone realy does want to leave you and get you out of their lives, they will give you a living hell, they will do all sorts of things to get you out of their lives, never ever beg them to come back if they decide to leave, it ain't fucking worth it. If someone really does love you, they will NEVER hurt nor lie to you, NEVER hold onto something which you once feel like giving up. Deep inside me, till now, I still don't know what I want in my life, honestly.

2010, thank you for teaching me a lesson, 2011, I really hope you will be a much better year.